The Essential Housing Conversation You Need to Have Before a Senior Living Transition
The last thing you wanted to do today is start searching for a senior living solution for your loved one. Unfortunately, circumstances are pressuring you into finding a place for your loved one quickly. Maybe one parent has died, and living alone isn’t an option for your surviving parent. Or you are worried about the safety of your loved one’s current living situation after a severe fall.
Whatever the reason you’ve begun looking for a senior living community, having to make decisions when you feel rushed is uncomfortable. How do you know who to trust? Any advice you get from a housing option is suspect. Conflict of interest.
Here’s a list of essential questions you need to ask before you help your loved one(s) transition into a senior living community.
Yes, It’s a Tough Conversation.
This conversation can be as tough as discussing finances. No one likes to face the reality that independence may no longer be possible. However, it’s easier to talk if you start with the one of the following questions.
- “Do you want me to find a place where you can still live together?” Almost all couples have different care needs. It’s important to find a place where they can continue a meaningful relationship. This is possible in the right facility.
- “Do you want to live in a community where you are surrounded by people with a similar world view?” Some personalities thrive in a diverse culture, while others shrink from the least hint of controversy. Thus, living in a place where others of like-minds are gathered could mean the difference between contentment and anxiety.
- “Are you ready to move into a senior community?” The answer may be, “No.” However, asking the question opens the way to discuss why getting ready is important. Consider the option of a storage unit. Knowing her ‘belongings’ are stored somewhere could help Mom accept the transition.
The first question is also one you should ask every senior living facility you research. Look for signs that the community is compassionate. After all, you’re may be reaching out to them because you’re suddenly faced with a loved one who must find a safe place to live—fast. Sometimes it isn’t possible to keep couples together—for example when memory care complicates things. However, there are communities designed to allow couples to live near each other.
In addition, it isn’t just about cost. It’s about finding a solution that’s good for your love one(s).
Yes, Downsizing Is Necessary.
Downsizing is a major component of transitioning into a senior living community. The following questions are tools that help with the transition.
- “What possessions mean the most to you?” Prioritizing makes it easier to keep only those things that are especially treasured. Consider that beauty and economic value are often second to emotional value. Resist the temptation to force your ideas of worth upon your senior parent. Unless you are dealing with a hoarder, respecting your parent’s emotional connection to certain possessions will help him or her let go of less valued things.
- “Would you like to be involved with seeing those things you can’t keep go to those who will appreciate it the most. For many seniors, it’s comforting to distribute possessions to family members. Many have seen how their family squabbled after a parent’s death, and they don’t want this to happen between their children or grandchildren. By choosing who gets what, your parent knows he or she gave treasured things to the person least likely to dispose of them through a garage sale or donation.
- “How do you feel about having an estate sale?” After prioritizing and distributing gifts, there remain hundreds of items that no longer serve a useful function. For example, there’s no need for 12 place settings of dishes or silverware. Most kitchen appliances won’t be necessary either. At the same, be prepared for a range of emotions with this question. Selling all but the essentials or donating them forces a reality check. Rarely comfortable!
Yes, Doing Research Is Vital.
You may feel safer telling a prospective senior community you’re just looking. That’s okay. The best way to know if a senior living community delivers on its promises is research.
- Compare the amenities. What care level comes with the price tag? What activities are offered?
- Look at online reviews. What do others say about the place?
- Visit the place. At the same time, realize that guided tours focus on the best aspects of a community.
- Ask around. Friends may have recommendations.
- Consider how important daily activities are to the staff. Some communities focus on making purposeful activities a core part of their seniors’ daily lives. Others offer little more than meals.
- Watch for upselling tactics. Avoid senior housing solutions that push unnecessary services. You want the ability to upgrade services, yet you don’t want more than the situation requires.
Don’t let a crisis rush this crucial decision. Far too often, haste leads to another move—something that’s difficult at any age. Take time to discuss all the options, so you’re able to help you loved one move once and to settle in comfortably.
Yes, It’s a Necessary Conversation.
It’s a tough conversation, yet necessary. It’s best to begin talking about it while everyone’s healthy, just because it’s even more difficult when a health crisis strips away the option of preparing for the transition over several months or even years. However, wherever you’re at, it’s never too late to talk.